Love for the Ages

When it comes to romance, the tried-and-true still holds sway over the new. About three quarters of both men and women think that the traditional romantic gestures like picking a bouquet of wildflowers or exchanging chocolate are as sweet as ever according to Harlequin romance report. And when asked to name a romantic act, the number one pick for both sexes was taking walks together. Kissing and candlelit dinners also made it to both men and women's top four. So take heart if your love style is more rose petals than juicy Instant Messages. Clearly, some oldies but goodies never go out of fashion.

Men are Polygamous by Nature?

Ms. W and me are very close to each other. We bond together all the time and we are inseparable. We may have different perspectives in life but we love each other and we empathize each other in turbulent times of our lives and we lift up each other's spirit.

She was madly in love for the first time when we both were in second year college. No matter how much advice I have given her, she followed the dictates of her heart and later on got pregnant to a fellow student who like her, was not stable yet. Her parents' world crumbled when they learned about it. She's intelligent and her parents had so much trust and hope on her. In spite of what happened, her parents remained very open minded. They had a church wedding. Her parents supported her so she continued her schooling until she finally graduated in college and landed a job for herself.

Her husband on the other hand did not finish his studies due to financial constraints. She became the breadwinner of the family. In spite of the odds that they have been through, their family remained strong. They are a picture of one happy family. Until one day, she found out that her husband had an affair with another woman. The girl would send text messages or call her husband. At first her husband denied it but later on, admitted the affair and finally leave her and their daughter and lived with his mistress.

This real-life story is not new to us. There are lot of these cases in the community...in our society...The latest that made to headlines is that of vice-presidentiable Binay on her extramarital affair with a young lady which is now spreading over the net.

I also have a not-so -good experience of a married man who got attracted to me. This happened when I was still a fresh grad in college. We worked in the same company and he would frequent to my office. I just ignored him until my close office mates noticed him and teased me. One day, out of the blue, he told me that he was attracted with me. I just shrugged it off for I know he's a married man and I'll never be a home wrecker. I told him that he's married and that he should focus his attention to his family. I was kinda shocked by his answer, "Men are polygamous by nature". There was a time that I was absent for several days and when I reported for work, he suddenly hugged me and told me that he terribly missed me. That's when I cried foul. I was at a loss and from that time on, I avoided him anymore and finally resigned.


Friends, is it true that men are polygamous by nature? With my personal experience and the situation that Ms. W. is now in, I can't help myself to think that maybe there's a grain of truth in the statement of my former office mate. But I also think that maybe not all men are the same and that maybe that statement does not apply to all because there are also countless men who are faithful, committed and remained true to their vow.

I look forward to your thoughts and opinions my dear readers and friends.

Time heals wounds

I have a friend who have been very close to me. We go to the same workplace together. Our house are just a few steps away. We were inseparable, some would say. We talked about anything and everything, from love life, careers, dreams, aspirations. We would confide with each other about the latest news that we know in the workplace, in our personal lives and of course we empathize and help each other in times when we have problems. We are similar in many ways but we are also very different in some aspects of our lives.

One day, we have a falling out. For some reasons, we feel like we are suffocated with our closeness. We became very distant with each other and we separate our ways. Our relationship has gone from sweet into sour, from good into worse. We reached a point that we don't talk with each other and we abhor each other's presence. I know there's something wrong with us -failed expectations, unbalanced and non-symbiotic relationship.

Three years past, we accidentally bumped with each other. I forget that we were not in "good terms" that I had a big smile for her when we saw each other face to face but she snobbed me and had that look as if saying "who are you"?. I just laughed myself off because I don't hold any grudge anymore and there's nothing to lose when you smile even when it's not reciprocated.

Another chance, we met and this time, she's the one who made a casual talk with me as if nothing happens. I just talked with her as well and I found out that she's not talking also to her close friend recently for a very superficial reason and a common friend would joke that she wants one enemy at a time. Nevertheless, I'm glad that we are back into speaking terms and even if we are not as close as we used to be but we are back to being friends again. I believe time heals wounds with the aid of divine intervention.

Relational Dialectics and Love

Love is the most powerful feeling in the world.We talk about it, we learn some things from it, we read a lot about it.

Ditch from reading those self-help books and magazines and say hello to this interpersonal communication theory called Relational Dialectics. It's a dialectical perspectives on communication strategies in relationship development. This theory suggests that between a communicating relationship, the persons involved will experience " internal, conflicting pulls". This causes their relationship to be in constant state of unrest called dialectical tension.

There are three dialectical tensions. Here they are, along with some tips on how to handle them.

Connectedness and Separateness - It's normal for individuals to spend time together when in a relationship. However, when each of them don't get enough time and space to spend alone, they lose their individual identities because of too much connection.

It's sickening to be in a company of the same person 24/7. The key to handling this kind of dialectic tension is to give each other space. Every human being needs some time alone.

Certainty and Uncertainty. Persons involved in a relationship acknowledge predictability and a sense of assurance to each other. But too much of this makes a relationship boring. Monotony sucks.

A little mystery and spontaniety is what keeps a relationship going. Keep this in mind - you can never get to know your partner to the bone. To constantly discover something exciting about your partner is a sign of a good relationship.

Openness and Closedness - In a relationship, partners sometimes tend to feel compelled to be transparent and reveal everything! This results to an individual's contrasting desire to seek privacy.

Seriously, do you always have to tell your partner what you had for lunch? Do you always have to show him/her your email or phone's inbox? Do you always have to know who your partner is with? Always consider privacy. Acknowledge that the closer you and your partner become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull you apart. A relationship will constantly experience dialectical tensions. Skillfully handling these tensions will help you have a superb relationship.

Single and blessed

A lot of single people are happy and contented with their lives, being single. But there are those who also long to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Single people should pray constantly to God to let them find the one He prepared for them. And while waiting, preserve your purity and human dignity. Remember, you wouldn't want to be used by someone who will be married to someone else in the future, or you wouldn't want your future spouse to be someone who has already been used by others.

Begin possible relationships with the right intentions. It is not to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend for people are not possessions. It is not to have an experience because people are not events. It is not to have someone to enjoy with because people are not toys. It is not to taste it or try it out, because people are not chewing gums you spit out later when it losses its sweetness or a shoes you can throw out when they become worn out.

It is to have a committed, loving relationship. It is to be married t each other someday. If that has no possibility or not even desired at the very beginning, then there should be nothing to begin at all.

Love like Jesus loved us

Why should we love like Jesus? Because God is love. Let us then use God's love for us as a standard for loving others. God's love is an agape kind of love which is translated as charity. The meaning of charity nowadays is simplified to just mean giving something or doing something for the less fortunate. But if charity is the best word to describe agape, the love of God, then it must have a deeper meaning.

But how about how we love? As Christians, we are told to love one another, to love like Jesus loved us. Is this an impossible thing to do? Without God, it would be impossible. Without God, our love will remain based on feelings or selfish motives. God's love is not because He feels like it but because He does love us.

Is your love based on feelings, which are momentary and can just come and go? This is like falling in love as if you were catching a disease, and just as easily falling out of love as if you had a big accident. This kind of love is what many couples start with. But if they just remain in this kind of romantic love, then it will not survive because feelings change and problems arise. Unless a conscious commitment, a deliberate choice is made to love completely, then the love is only a temporary fantasy.

This is why true love can only be complete in Holy Matrimony. Like Christ being wed to His bride, the church, the exchange of persons, of relationships is where love can truly exist. While our concept of love is constantly distorted by movies, love songs, books, and television, sins like fornication and adultery continue to wreck lives and families. Let's not learn love from wrong perverted sources. Let's look God, how He loves us, and love the same way.

Love changes everything

Love is the most powerful, the most energizing, the most transforming force in the world.

Our memories like sparks of fire are reservoirs of the power of the love that we have experienced. To recall the first moment of realizing that you were loved by a particular person is to be present again at that moment of time.

It is to be in touch again with the astonishment that he/she would love you. That other person appeared to be so self-assured, so superior. Why would he / she take notice of you, much less be attracted or care?

Love transforms but not only in its initial surge of excitement, enjoyment and new energy. It continues through the years to draw one toward wholeness, that is, to becoming all that one is meant to be - a loved and loving person.

However transforming and life giving a human love may be, it is transcended by God's love for us. Keep loving and happy weekend everyone:)

Let guys into your world and don't scare them away

There are girls/ women I know who are pretty, talented and yet they seem to scare men away from them. Some of them we labeled NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). Deep inside, they long for somebody to be with, to get to know with someone. How to to let guys into your world and not scare them away? Here we go...

Being an untamed shrew. Any guy or person for that matter would probably not want to go where he is not wanted. The same thing goes for potential love interests. People are curious about the girl who can cut off the knees but once the thrill of the chase is gone, the interest and whatever feelings may be present soon follow suit. At the same time, an icy misdemeanor and a sharp tongue will make a lot of would-be suitors look somewhere else easily.

So, what's the right attitude to take? It really depends on one's personality. The best thing to do is to always remember that you are a lady, and a lady must carry herself with dignity and gentility. An openness to friendship without overly eager can also go a long way in showing that a girl is worthy to be met and pursued.

Asking too many questions. Of course, wanting to know someone is a good thing and asking so many questions is the easiest way to do it. But when it comes to matters of the heart, can there be too much of a good thing? In a word yes, Many guys are by nature, not very talkative and at the same time, there are matters they prefer not to discuss too much. So when girls ask too many questions about things they deem personal, it makes them uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough, to avoid girls who possess this habit.

So what are you gonna do? There's no easy way to get rid of this tendency but the best thing to do is to be as sensitive as possible. Guys are usually quote transparent when it comes to showing discomfort. So when getting to know a guy, observe how he reacts to different topics. If he starts squirming in his seat, redirect the conversation. He will be thankful for it, and you will be setting more the stage for him to be more open with you in the future.

Acting like a damsel in too much distress. Admittedly, guys like a girl who can make them feel needed. But being helpless to extremes may be an automatic red flag, especially considering how much females value gender equality these days. Relying on guys for everything, from driving to to walking to the dog can make guys feel like they are simply being used and seeing a girl act like this can make guys think twice about even just coming up to say hi.

So, what shall you do? There's really no need to act like a full-on princess just to make men feel needed. Learning to do things on your own gives you a better appreciation of the things around you including the help you received. It also makes you down-to-earth, and thus, approachable. That's something the guy will definitely take notice of.

What can you say?

Are you the marrying type?

He said: No, I'm not the marrying type. I don't want to marry because I might just leave the woman I love. It's better that we just live together so that we can easily leave each other when we have fallen out of love. We don't have to deal with some legal impediments when want to be with someody else.

She said: Yes, I am the marrying type. I want to be assured that he will not leave me empty-handed when we have fallen out of love.

Bottomline - Marriage is not for convenience. Neither is it meant to tie you up to someone whom you cannot live with forever. Marriage is a commitment to make things work forever. Marriage is a commitment to accept the other, and at the same time, a commitment to be better for each other.

Why would you marry?

He said: I will marry her because I want to have lots of kids.

She said: I wish to marry because I don't want to be an old maid.

Bottomline - While marriage is the context of procreation, failure of the partner to bear a child does not end marriage. At the same time, fear of growing old alone is not a reason to marry. Rather, one marries another because they have fallen in love with each other and that they are committed to live the rest of their life together for each other.

How to know if he's not a right guy for you

Does your instinct tells you that who you are dating is Mr. Wrong? Here are some telltale signs that the guy you're dating is more of a dud than a stud.

• He is selfish. If the word compromise is alien to your man's consciousness, chances are he's only thinking of himself. Healthy men know how to make compromises.


• He has no drive. Does your guy spend more time on parties with his buddies or watching TV than anything else?If he's busy doing things that don't take his life to new places then he might be a dud.


• He doesn't appreciate you. The guy you're dating should not only appreciate you but also respect you, your friends and family.


• He doesn't show emotion. To be in a healthy relationship, both parties need to be open and honest about their vulnerabilities and not be afraid to show their emotions. If you find that you're giving more emotionally to the relationship than he is, it might be time to move on.


• He doesn't have a good relationship with his mother. If a guy's relationship with his mother is constantly strained, it's not a good sign for your relationship. He does not have to be a mama's boy but a guy at any age must have a loving and healthy relationship with his mother.


• He makes you feel bad about yourself. Why would you want to be around with someone who doesn't make you feel happy, successful and fulfilled?If he doesn't listen to you and constantly puts you down , it's a sign of trouble.


• He's being untrustworthy. If you are unable to trust your partner, you will spend countless time and energy wondering about his capacity to be honest and straightforward about your relationship.

Story that made me cry...

I checked my mails this morning on my other email account. I actually have three. I have seen a mail from my former boss. I know that emails from her are really interesting so I opened it. Wow...It's about marriage. Upon reading it, I can't help my tears from falling ... it's very touching. So I'm sharing this to you. It's a beautiful story, er, not so beautiful, actually ,because it's a sad one but it give's us a lesson or two...

To those who are married, .. Not married ... and soon to be married

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recallhow I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!

Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential partof his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't valuethe details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I amsupposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

-0-

"The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank,blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"

Preventing Infedility in Marriage

Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes we are shocked to hear news of couples whose strong marriage once we admired but broken into pieces. Here are some preventive steps to guard one's fidelity and help your marriage remain intact.

Talk openly about anything and everything. Don't belittle the importance of small talk. You gain nothing by keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

Cultivate your friendship. Go places with each other. Talk about your interests or current events in your lives. Do things together. Do not allow yourself to take your partner's friendship and feelings for granted.

Be supportive. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. A person's lifetime is an expensive period of time. Things change and so are people's interests. Your partner will at some point want to try something new, such as career, spiritual or life habit change. These are critical moments in your relationship.

Keep your passion alive and well. No one wants to feel undesired. Take a moment now and then to leave little notes around the house. Let your children see you kiss and cuddle. Indulge in an impromptu escapade.

Don't be predictable.The spark of interest can fade when you feel you know your partner to the point of predictability. Always allow for a little mystery.Occasionally do something that is a bit out of the norm.

Love or Infatuation?

What is love? I've read one definition of love which says " Love is a heterogeneous conglomeration of absurdity calculated to bamboozle the anatomy of the individual who becomes intoxicated with its abominable and irresistible power". Another one says " Love is a feeling you feel when you feel that you're going to get a feeling that you never felt before". Whatever that is, it surely isn't love!

The shortest and most most profound love statement is "God is love". And others would say that it's not that kind of love that they are talking about. Love that is romantic - the hugging and kissing love. But that is the kind of love we are talking about - all true love ->parent for child, husband for wife, girlfriend for boyfriend - all true love comes from God. But for every good thing that God created, the devil has improvised a counterfeit. Love's counterfeit is infatuation. The big question is: how can one discern the counterfeit from the genuine? Here are some differences:

• Infatuation is ruled by feelings, but love's feelings are ruled by principles. In the field of infatuation, the feelings are in charge. But the problem is that our feelings are fickle. They change easily. Today I feel great so I kiss her. Tomorrow I feel terrible so I kick her. That's not love! True love has feelings, tender feelings which are put in the human heart by a caring God. But love is not composed of feelings only. It is feelings plus principle. Moreover, love is not controlled by feelings. It does not do anything and everything it feels. Rather, in true love, the feelings are under the control of principle.

• Infatuation is blind, but love sees and examines. Like Cupid, infatuation is blind. When a girl recognizes that her boyfriend is hooked on drugs but still proceeds with plans for marriage, Cupid has wounded her. When a boy observes his girlfriend flirting continuously with other men, but still goes ahead with the love affair, infatuation has blinded him! True love uses its eyes to see and examine weaknesses of the prospective partner. It is not afraid to ask hard questions nor do difficult examinations.

• Infatuation is in a hurry, but love takes time. Everything of permanent value in life takes time. We can build a shack overnight, but if we are building a house that will stand the fury of a typhoon or hurricane, that takes time. We can put up an artificial Christmas tree overnight, but to grow a real tree takes time. It has to be planted, watered and nourished for weeks, months or years. Love is a plant - a tender, precious plant. Infatuation is ever in a hurry. See her today, court her tomorrow and marry her the day after!Growing a relationship takes time and God expects couples in love to "grow up".

• Infatuation is obsessed with externals, but love is concerned with internals. Puppy love is obsessed with the figure, is a slave to fashion, and is intoxicated with sex appeal. True love admires the figure, appreciates appropriate fashion, and anticipates sexual intimacy within the bond of marriage. But these are not the greatest concerns of true love. True love is more concerned with the personality, the kind of person the partner really is. Love examines the habits, the inner virtues or vices. True love pays attention to the character, the inner self.

• Infatuation is childish but love is mature. Childish and selfish love has little or no concern for the other. It is self-centered. But true love is concerned with the welfare of one's partner. Infatuation cries for gratification today regardless of the consequences later. But true love refrains from enjoying today that which it will regret tomorrow. Infatuation thinks and behaves like a child, but true love is mature - it has put childish ways behind.
  

• Infatuation is a human ditch, but love is a divine ladder. One goes down the other goes up. infatuation is a ditch into which blindfolded people fall, but love is a ladder onto which wide-eyed people climb. so, while infatuation is a human pit, true love is a divine ladder. And every person has the freedom to choose between the tragedy of one and the triumph of the other.
  

Things Every Wife Should Know about her Husband

It is vital that husband and wife must understand each other to experience marital success. Here are facts about men that the woman should master to understand her partner.

• He is Proud to be a Man. While society tends to belittle the woman, it is programed to feed the ego of the man. Since the man believes he is big, it is counterproductive for a woman to constantly belittle him. Since the man thinks he is great, a perceptive woman will respect him. A wise wife does not serve him dishes of humiliation, rather she provides a feast of admiration.

• He Shows Love in Tangible Terms. We have said that love should be frequently expressed in verbal terms - the loving words we say. Love may be shown in aesthetic ways - the tender tokens we give. But many men are most comfortable in revealing love in tangible terms - the pesos and centavos. After all, if the former are present and the latter is absent, wouldn't there be justification of questioning love?

• He Makes Decisions Differently. In general, men are more left brained than women. This means that a man tends to process data logically and sequentially, proceeding from cause to effect. So, in solving problems, the woman is more likely to be subjective and the man, more objective. While the wife uses her gift of intuition, the husband uses his skills of reason. An understanding of these differences will help to minimize conflict. Rather than repel, these differences should attract partners to one another, enabling each to welcome each other's points of view for the enrichment of the decision making process.

• A Man Likes His Wife to be Attractive. Before marriage, a woman takes great care to be as attractive as possible to her mate. But sometimes, after marriage, she devotes less care to her appearance, taking the marital relationship for granted. Every wife should help to provide an answer to her husband's prayer "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one". If ever he was being tempted elsewhere, when a husband arrives home, the temptation should vanish in the sprkle of his wife's beauty and the perfume of her embrace.
  

Secrets to a Successful Marriage

It's always interesting to see old people walking together, holding hands, being so sweet with each other. And I wonder how their relationship remained so strong in so many years that they have been together when I see a lot of broken marriages and broken families. In a book entitled "I Love You" by Gordon Martinborough, which I have been reading lately, he tells about the three big secrets of a happy marriage.

First secret is loving yourself. What does it have to do with a happy marriage? If you do not love yourself, you make yourself unlovable! In other words, you make it difficult for others to love you. After all, whoever wants to marry Mr. or Miss Misery? And if you do not love yourself it is difficult for you to give love to somebody else for you cannot share what you do not have.

Second secret is the self sacrificing love. A kind of love that puts the desire of the other above and before the needs of one's self is the quality of love that constitutes the second secret of a successful marriage. While the first key to a successful marriage is to love oneself, the second secret is to love your partner better than yourself. If each partner will practice this principle, most marital problems will disappear.

The third secret , the most important ingredient of a successful marriage," Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind"(Luke 10:27). What does loving God have to do with a loving, happy marriage? The answer is simple but profound "God is love" (1 John 4:8).

A happy marriage may be likened to a triangle with Christ at the apex and husband and wife at the corners of the base. When the partners are far from Christ, they remain distant from each other. As each spouse moves toward Jesus, they get closer to one another. And when each connects with Christ, they become connected to each other. Love for God is the primary secret of a successful marriage.

Caring and Nurturing your Marital Relationship

• Go on regular dates that do not involve children.

• Keep the romance alive by doing things you both like to do together.

• Arrange a regular time each week , or more often to talk about each other’s thoughts.

• Show appreciation for the other.

• Compliment the other person.
  
  
  

In Love or Insane?

So you're head over heels in love, or at least you think you are. You have all the symptoms - you can't eat, can't sleep, and can't seem to think about anything other than your next encounter. But sometimes, that wonderful feeling can turn borderline weird, and if not kept in check, can quickly turn into full blown obsession. Can't tell the difference between the two just yet? Read upon these telltale signs to protect you from becoming that unlovable psycho-stalker guys steer clear of.

It's Love if - You get excited when you hear your phone ring, then slightly disappointed when you find out it's not him calling.

It's Obsession if - You have a separate line and number especially for him.

It's Love if - You have him on speed dial.

It's Obsession if - You call him in the middle of the night, then hang up when he answers. You just want to hear his voice.

It's Love if - You know what his favorite kind of candy is.

It's obsession if - You pick up his discarded wrapper and keep it in your wallet so you can have a piece of him wherever you go.

It's Love if - You have a song just for him.

It's Obsession if - You only have that one song on your ipod and it's on loop.

It's Love if - You already know all of his little quirks.

It's Obsession if - You try to imitate all of these little quirks and make them yours too.

It's Love if - You invite him over for dinner with your family.

It's Obsession if - He must come everyday, no excuses.

It's Love if - You have him as your phone wallpaper.

It's Obsession if - You have him as your room wallpaper.

It's love if - You text him out of the blue just to see how he's doing.

It's Obsession if - You text him out of the blue and ask what he's doing, who he's with, where he's going next, what time he'll be home, and again, who's he's with every ten minutes.

How to Spot a Good Guy in Five Days

This doesn't necessarily mean five days straight. Maybe you've been starting to hang out since you were introduced to each other recently. There are a million of possible circumstances but only a number of signs to look out for if you want to be sure this guy is a quality catch.

• He shows everybody respect. Everybody deserves respect, and he should know that. If he doesn't show the most unassuming people (like sales peoplesecurity guards, drivers, and house help) the most basic courtesies like "thank you" and "please", you're better off telling him to please leave you alone.

• He's being real. You've been getting to know each other for five days and if in any point, you feel that the way he's acting seems fishy or fake, chances are you're right, and he's putting up front to impress you. Follow your instincts! Don't buy it, and make him know you don't appreciate it. It's better if you know who you're getting involved with from the get go.

• Your friends like him. Your friends are your friends for a reason. If they sense something amiss about this guy, you'd best be on your guard. Maybe the sparks that have been created by your intense chemistry have blinded you, but rest assured your pals are always looking out for you. They're like vitamin C-they'll protect you from germs and jerks:D
  

Biggest Mistakes Couples Make

According to Helene Rothschild, a family and marriage therapist, there are common mistakes that can undermine one's loving relationship.

The following mistaken beliefs and truths can assist you to create and maintain the loving union that you desire:

Mistake #1. All I have to do is love my partner and all will be perfect.

Truth - Love is not enough to maintain a relationship. You also need to like your partner, create win-win solutions to your problems, and have similar values, goals, and interests. It takes two happy people with high self - esteem and good communications skills t ocreate a healthy relationship.

Mistake # 2. My partner is responsible for my hurt feelings, anger, and frustrations.

Truth - You are totally responsible for all your feelings and actions. Way before you were in your loving relationship, you were influenced by your parents, siblings, teachers, etc. and you made decisions based on your experiences. These decisions cause you to perceive things in the present that may be not true.

For example, if your mother of father was not there for you, you probably decided that you were not good enough, unimportant, unworthy and unlovable. These negative decisions will likely be projected in your partner. therefore, if he /she does not call, your hurt maybe caused by the decision that you are unimportant. The truth is that you are important even if your partner does not call.

Mistake # 3. I am adult now, and my parents have no influence to me.

Truth - Without exception, every client realized that they unconsciously married someone like their mother or father to resolve issues with them.

Mistake #4. Once I am in a committed relationship, I can focus my work, sports, hobbies, etc.,

Truth - A successful relationship requires focus, time and energy. just like everything else that is important to you. If you are hired for a position and you don't work at doing a good job, you are likely to be fired. The same is true in a loving union. It is important not to take each other for granted, and to spend quality time together, read relationship books, take steps to improve your communication.

Mistake # 5. I can treat my partner anyway I choose and we will be together forever.

Truth - If you treat your partner as you would your bestfriend, he/she is more likely to want to stay in the relationship. Everyone likes and deserves appreciation, respect, kindness, attention, affection and compliments. Be as loving as you can, and it will come back to you and strengthen your loving bond.

Now that you have some insights for a healthy relationship, you have a better chance at succeeding. You deserve a fantastic relationship. Go for it!

Honeymoon great SEXperience

Now, everyone - almost every newlywed woman and man will tell you that making love on honeymoon night is great. But guess what, not everyone is telling the entire story, the real, ah, score , no pun indeed! That's because newlyweds are expected to enjoy their honeymoon night and so that's what they say - sex was great on their first night together.

But later on, they will tell the truth - usually to their marriage counselor or pastor, or psychiatrist, or the judge when they are already seeking legal separation or divorce that sex right from the start was everything except great. In other words, sex from day one was a disappointment, nothing like, well, you see in the movies. So, are you up for disappointment or you'll really have that one big bang of a great sexperience?

Sex is great and you will have fun-as you should have fun making love with your guy on your wedding night if early on you already have sorted out or tackled together the great expectations each one of you have about sex, making love, and doing it throughout your married life together. These are some hypes you should be clear about...

Virginity. Even in this day of condoms and viagra, not a few men or women get to do the sex act only on their wedding night. Your guy might not even know how to find your vagina in the dark! Or you are the virgin and he goes on his way to the big bang.You're lying there, anxious whether you would bleed to death, or what if you didn't bleed and he'd scream "What? you are not a virgin?" and he'd run and file for divorce, or worse keep the marriage in tact but look for virgins some place else! Tackle the virginity issue head on, before even saying yes when he propose so both of you are clear on your expectations.

Oral sex. Oral sex is sooo good. Even your pastor will say it's okay that married couples do it for foreplay. No kidding. But still, some women won't do it because somebody told them it's a sin, or it's so dirty you'll end up with urinary tract infection which can be so painful and expensive to treat. Ask your ob-gyne. Only your trusted doctor can tell you what's good for your particular health condition. And not all few men will do oral sex. The reasons may be the same with the woman's like religious beliefs, health fears, or there are men who simply don't like the vagina scent. Again tackle the issue in your one-on-one, no-holds-barred discussion with your fiancee. If he won't do oral sex and you can't ever enjoy making love without oral foreplay or its the other way around - you won't ever ever do it. That could spell a hell in bed not only on your wedding night but the rest of you lovemaking nights till death or divorce do you part. And while you are at it, discuss other issues such as foreplay, sex positions, talking dirty, who is going to initiate sex, what's a turn on, what's a turn off, what's a no, what's a go.

Who is the boss? Of course when you're in love , your guy or you would not even look at or love someone else. But somewhere along the way some couples confess it happened on night one - you can fall out of love. You can avoid the tragedy or the divorce mess if early on you lay the groud rules about your relationship. State from day one of courtship that you won't tolerate a two-timing suitor or husband. And maintain your conviction. Exoress it always throughout your courtship, engagement and marriage.

Talk dirty, talk clean. Even in this day of sex and the city, couples don't sit down and talk about sex. That's because they simply don't hink sex is something you really talk about. They just know sex as they read it in sexy or porn mags, or what they see in movies. People just go on doing sex. You either feel good about it or it becomes just one sorry disappointment from one partner to another. Early on the relationship, schedule a one-on-one day talk with yor guy to discuss issues that could affect your relationship- money, career, in-laws, children and yes, sex. The date should be non-negotiable. In other words it's a top priority. If your guy won't talk, girl, you have a problem. A mature guy and serious about you will talk about sex and all its nitty-gritty and all other issues concerning your life together as husband and wife. Forewarned is forearmed.Read about sex, free love, true love. Read real researches and studies, not just the pocketboooks or trashy mags you see in newstands. Know what's true and what's good for you and your mate. That one-on one talk is a test whether your relationship is a go, whether you'll have that sexperience you dream about in your honeymoon and the rest of your married life.