What can you say?

Are you the marrying type?

He said: No, I'm not the marrying type. I don't want to marry because I might just leave the woman I love. It's better that we just live together so that we can easily leave each other when we have fallen out of love. We don't have to deal with some legal impediments when want to be with someody else.

She said: Yes, I am the marrying type. I want to be assured that he will not leave me empty-handed when we have fallen out of love.

Bottomline - Marriage is not for convenience. Neither is it meant to tie you up to someone whom you cannot live with forever. Marriage is a commitment to make things work forever. Marriage is a commitment to accept the other, and at the same time, a commitment to be better for each other.

Why would you marry?

He said: I will marry her because I want to have lots of kids.

She said: I wish to marry because I don't want to be an old maid.

Bottomline - While marriage is the context of procreation, failure of the partner to bear a child does not end marriage. At the same time, fear of growing old alone is not a reason to marry. Rather, one marries another because they have fallen in love with each other and that they are committed to live the rest of their life together for each other.

Story that made me cry...

I checked my mails this morning on my other email account. I actually have three. I have seen a mail from my former boss. I know that emails from her are really interesting so I opened it. Wow...It's about marriage. Upon reading it, I can't help my tears from falling ... it's very touching. So I'm sharing this to you. It's a beautiful story, er, not so beautiful, actually ,because it's a sad one but it give's us a lesson or two...

To those who are married, .. Not married ... and soon to be married

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recallhow I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!

Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential partof his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't valuethe details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I amsupposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

-0-

"The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank,blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"

Preventing Infedility in Marriage

Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes we are shocked to hear news of couples whose strong marriage once we admired but broken into pieces. Here are some preventive steps to guard one's fidelity and help your marriage remain intact.

Talk openly about anything and everything. Don't belittle the importance of small talk. You gain nothing by keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

Cultivate your friendship. Go places with each other. Talk about your interests or current events in your lives. Do things together. Do not allow yourself to take your partner's friendship and feelings for granted.

Be supportive. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. A person's lifetime is an expensive period of time. Things change and so are people's interests. Your partner will at some point want to try something new, such as career, spiritual or life habit change. These are critical moments in your relationship.

Keep your passion alive and well. No one wants to feel undesired. Take a moment now and then to leave little notes around the house. Let your children see you kiss and cuddle. Indulge in an impromptu escapade.

Don't be predictable.The spark of interest can fade when you feel you know your partner to the point of predictability. Always allow for a little mystery.Occasionally do something that is a bit out of the norm.

Things Every Wife Should Know about her Husband

It is vital that husband and wife must understand each other to experience marital success. Here are facts about men that the woman should master to understand her partner.

• He is Proud to be a Man. While society tends to belittle the woman, it is programed to feed the ego of the man. Since the man believes he is big, it is counterproductive for a woman to constantly belittle him. Since the man thinks he is great, a perceptive woman will respect him. A wise wife does not serve him dishes of humiliation, rather she provides a feast of admiration.

• He Shows Love in Tangible Terms. We have said that love should be frequently expressed in verbal terms - the loving words we say. Love may be shown in aesthetic ways - the tender tokens we give. But many men are most comfortable in revealing love in tangible terms - the pesos and centavos. After all, if the former are present and the latter is absent, wouldn't there be justification of questioning love?

• He Makes Decisions Differently. In general, men are more left brained than women. This means that a man tends to process data logically and sequentially, proceeding from cause to effect. So, in solving problems, the woman is more likely to be subjective and the man, more objective. While the wife uses her gift of intuition, the husband uses his skills of reason. An understanding of these differences will help to minimize conflict. Rather than repel, these differences should attract partners to one another, enabling each to welcome each other's points of view for the enrichment of the decision making process.

• A Man Likes His Wife to be Attractive. Before marriage, a woman takes great care to be as attractive as possible to her mate. But sometimes, after marriage, she devotes less care to her appearance, taking the marital relationship for granted. Every wife should help to provide an answer to her husband's prayer "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one". If ever he was being tempted elsewhere, when a husband arrives home, the temptation should vanish in the sprkle of his wife's beauty and the perfume of her embrace.
  

Secrets to a Successful Marriage

It's always interesting to see old people walking together, holding hands, being so sweet with each other. And I wonder how their relationship remained so strong in so many years that they have been together when I see a lot of broken marriages and broken families. In a book entitled "I Love You" by Gordon Martinborough, which I have been reading lately, he tells about the three big secrets of a happy marriage.

First secret is loving yourself. What does it have to do with a happy marriage? If you do not love yourself, you make yourself unlovable! In other words, you make it difficult for others to love you. After all, whoever wants to marry Mr. or Miss Misery? And if you do not love yourself it is difficult for you to give love to somebody else for you cannot share what you do not have.

Second secret is the self sacrificing love. A kind of love that puts the desire of the other above and before the needs of one's self is the quality of love that constitutes the second secret of a successful marriage. While the first key to a successful marriage is to love oneself, the second secret is to love your partner better than yourself. If each partner will practice this principle, most marital problems will disappear.

The third secret , the most important ingredient of a successful marriage," Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind"(Luke 10:27). What does loving God have to do with a loving, happy marriage? The answer is simple but profound "God is love" (1 John 4:8).

A happy marriage may be likened to a triangle with Christ at the apex and husband and wife at the corners of the base. When the partners are far from Christ, they remain distant from each other. As each spouse moves toward Jesus, they get closer to one another. And when each connects with Christ, they become connected to each other. Love for God is the primary secret of a successful marriage.