Time heals wounds

I have a friend who have been very close to me. We go to the same workplace together. Our house are just a few steps away. We were inseparable, some would say. We talked about anything and everything, from love life, careers, dreams, aspirations. We would confide with each other about the latest news that we know in the workplace, in our personal lives and of course we empathize and help each other in times when we have problems. We are similar in many ways but we are also very different in some aspects of our lives.

One day, we have a falling out. For some reasons, we feel like we are suffocated with our closeness. We became very distant with each other and we separate our ways. Our relationship has gone from sweet into sour, from good into worse. We reached a point that we don't talk with each other and we abhor each other's presence. I know there's something wrong with us -failed expectations, unbalanced and non-symbiotic relationship.

Three years past, we accidentally bumped with each other. I forget that we were not in "good terms" that I had a big smile for her when we saw each other face to face but she snobbed me and had that look as if saying "who are you"?. I just laughed myself off because I don't hold any grudge anymore and there's nothing to lose when you smile even when it's not reciprocated.

Another chance, we met and this time, she's the one who made a casual talk with me as if nothing happens. I just talked with her as well and I found out that she's not talking also to her close friend recently for a very superficial reason and a common friend would joke that she wants one enemy at a time. Nevertheless, I'm glad that we are back into speaking terms and even if we are not as close as we used to be but we are back to being friends again. I believe time heals wounds with the aid of divine intervention.

Relational Dialectics and Love

Love is the most powerful feeling in the world.We talk about it, we learn some things from it, we read a lot about it.

Ditch from reading those self-help books and magazines and say hello to this interpersonal communication theory called Relational Dialectics. It's a dialectical perspectives on communication strategies in relationship development. This theory suggests that between a communicating relationship, the persons involved will experience " internal, conflicting pulls". This causes their relationship to be in constant state of unrest called dialectical tension.

There are three dialectical tensions. Here they are, along with some tips on how to handle them.

Connectedness and Separateness - It's normal for individuals to spend time together when in a relationship. However, when each of them don't get enough time and space to spend alone, they lose their individual identities because of too much connection.

It's sickening to be in a company of the same person 24/7. The key to handling this kind of dialectic tension is to give each other space. Every human being needs some time alone.

Certainty and Uncertainty. Persons involved in a relationship acknowledge predictability and a sense of assurance to each other. But too much of this makes a relationship boring. Monotony sucks.

A little mystery and spontaniety is what keeps a relationship going. Keep this in mind - you can never get to know your partner to the bone. To constantly discover something exciting about your partner is a sign of a good relationship.

Openness and Closedness - In a relationship, partners sometimes tend to feel compelled to be transparent and reveal everything! This results to an individual's contrasting desire to seek privacy.

Seriously, do you always have to tell your partner what you had for lunch? Do you always have to show him/her your email or phone's inbox? Do you always have to know who your partner is with? Always consider privacy. Acknowledge that the closer you and your partner become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull you apart. A relationship will constantly experience dialectical tensions. Skillfully handling these tensions will help you have a superb relationship.

Single and blessed

A lot of single people are happy and contented with their lives, being single. But there are those who also long to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Single people should pray constantly to God to let them find the one He prepared for them. And while waiting, preserve your purity and human dignity. Remember, you wouldn't want to be used by someone who will be married to someone else in the future, or you wouldn't want your future spouse to be someone who has already been used by others.

Begin possible relationships with the right intentions. It is not to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend for people are not possessions. It is not to have an experience because people are not events. It is not to have someone to enjoy with because people are not toys. It is not to taste it or try it out, because people are not chewing gums you spit out later when it losses its sweetness or a shoes you can throw out when they become worn out.

It is to have a committed, loving relationship. It is to be married t each other someday. If that has no possibility or not even desired at the very beginning, then there should be nothing to begin at all.

Love or Infatuation?

What is love? I've read one definition of love which says " Love is a heterogeneous conglomeration of absurdity calculated to bamboozle the anatomy of the individual who becomes intoxicated with its abominable and irresistible power". Another one says " Love is a feeling you feel when you feel that you're going to get a feeling that you never felt before". Whatever that is, it surely isn't love!

The shortest and most most profound love statement is "God is love". And others would say that it's not that kind of love that they are talking about. Love that is romantic - the hugging and kissing love. But that is the kind of love we are talking about - all true love ->parent for child, husband for wife, girlfriend for boyfriend - all true love comes from God. But for every good thing that God created, the devil has improvised a counterfeit. Love's counterfeit is infatuation. The big question is: how can one discern the counterfeit from the genuine? Here are some differences:

• Infatuation is ruled by feelings, but love's feelings are ruled by principles. In the field of infatuation, the feelings are in charge. But the problem is that our feelings are fickle. They change easily. Today I feel great so I kiss her. Tomorrow I feel terrible so I kick her. That's not love! True love has feelings, tender feelings which are put in the human heart by a caring God. But love is not composed of feelings only. It is feelings plus principle. Moreover, love is not controlled by feelings. It does not do anything and everything it feels. Rather, in true love, the feelings are under the control of principle.

• Infatuation is blind, but love sees and examines. Like Cupid, infatuation is blind. When a girl recognizes that her boyfriend is hooked on drugs but still proceeds with plans for marriage, Cupid has wounded her. When a boy observes his girlfriend flirting continuously with other men, but still goes ahead with the love affair, infatuation has blinded him! True love uses its eyes to see and examine weaknesses of the prospective partner. It is not afraid to ask hard questions nor do difficult examinations.

• Infatuation is in a hurry, but love takes time. Everything of permanent value in life takes time. We can build a shack overnight, but if we are building a house that will stand the fury of a typhoon or hurricane, that takes time. We can put up an artificial Christmas tree overnight, but to grow a real tree takes time. It has to be planted, watered and nourished for weeks, months or years. Love is a plant - a tender, precious plant. Infatuation is ever in a hurry. See her today, court her tomorrow and marry her the day after!Growing a relationship takes time and God expects couples in love to "grow up".

• Infatuation is obsessed with externals, but love is concerned with internals. Puppy love is obsessed with the figure, is a slave to fashion, and is intoxicated with sex appeal. True love admires the figure, appreciates appropriate fashion, and anticipates sexual intimacy within the bond of marriage. But these are not the greatest concerns of true love. True love is more concerned with the personality, the kind of person the partner really is. Love examines the habits, the inner virtues or vices. True love pays attention to the character, the inner self.

• Infatuation is childish but love is mature. Childish and selfish love has little or no concern for the other. It is self-centered. But true love is concerned with the welfare of one's partner. Infatuation cries for gratification today regardless of the consequences later. But true love refrains from enjoying today that which it will regret tomorrow. Infatuation thinks and behaves like a child, but true love is mature - it has put childish ways behind.
  

• Infatuation is a human ditch, but love is a divine ladder. One goes down the other goes up. infatuation is a ditch into which blindfolded people fall, but love is a ladder onto which wide-eyed people climb. so, while infatuation is a human pit, true love is a divine ladder. And every person has the freedom to choose between the tragedy of one and the triumph of the other.