Saturday, November 21, 2009

Beat up break- up blues

So, you just experienced a breakup. Sigh...and you honestly thought that it would never end. While you're here sulking yourself, there goes you ex flaunting around wit his/her new replacement. Arrggh! The mere thought of it makes you sad all the more. How could he/she do such a thing? Before you start taking that bottle of muriatic acid and down its content like a beer, here is an easy to follow process on how to beat that "noboyfriend/girlfriend" blues.

Cry yourself out. It oftentimes much better to let out all those feelings which you have bottled up inside through tears. haven't you noticed that after a bout with the sobs, you generally feel better than you did before you cried? Try it, it's a great therapy.

Listen to loud music. Mushy songs are no-nos at this time. loud music - be it hard metal, rock n roll, rap or disco music helps to take out those pent - up feelings in you, especially when you sing or shout along with it.

Exercise. Exerting effort on your body physically may lessen the emotional stress you are currently experiencing. You will be too tired to think of the good old days. Not only will you be able to sleep better at night, you will also be keeping fit. No food binges please...

Keep busy. Bury yourself in work.Perhaps go on overtime. If you are in school, take extra hours in the library. That would leave you with less idle time which permits you to think back about your recent misfortune. The less idle time, the better.

Take out your ex's picture. Then stick it unto your dartboard. No dartboard? Use a cork board instead. Or a bunch of needles and pins will do.

Make a list of your ex's shortcomings. couple it with your own list of what you did to continue your erstwhile relationship despite his inadequacies. Then compare notes. Intentionally make your list longer than his/hers. That sort of getting at him/her already.

Put all the items that remind you of your ex together in a box and keep it in a place where you will not be tempted to open it. Everything must be put away - pressed roses, love letters, pictures...everything. If you keep on wallowing in your past with your former flame, the letting go process will be delayed.

Have a makeover. For the heartbroken females, paint your fingernails fuchsia, change your hairstyle, change your disposition for the better. Make your self more beautiful than ever before. As for those forlorn guys, a great new change in wardrobe will do. Make heads turn.

Go out on a date. Meet people of the opposite sex. Mingle. In a short span of time, you will be back in the social circle again. Who knows? you might just end up getting to know someone new. But warning - no comparing of the former and the current date.

Party.have as much fun as a single person. If ever you encounter your ex in one of those social gatherings, show him/her how much you are enjoying yourself even without him/her in the picture. Greet your ex the way you greet a long lost friend.

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Story that made me cry...

I checked my mails this morning on my other email account. I actually have three. I have seen a mail from my former boss. I know that emails from her are really interesting so I opened it. Wow...It's about marriage. Upon reading it, I can't help my tears from falling ... it's very touching. So I'm sharing this to you. It's a beautiful story, er, not so beautiful, actually ,because it's a sad one but it give's us a lesson or two...

To those who are married, .. Not married ... and soon to be married


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recallhow I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!
Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential partof his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't valuethe details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I amsupposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.


"The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank,blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Signs of infedility

Infidelity or unfaithfulness is one of the reasons why couples break up. One partner is tempted and plays with fire. One thing leads to another, and a stable relationship is ruined!

Even if you don't see with your eyes that your partner is cheating on you, there are changes in his behavior that logically merit suspicion and may scream fidelity.

  • He becomes secretive. If your significant other doesn't ask permission when going out, doesn't inform you of his whereabouts, hides his mobile phone, doesn't answer his mobile phone around you, behaves in an eerie manner when talking to someone on the phone, and suddenly becomes reticent about what's happening in his life, then he be definitely hiding something from you.
  • He suddenly changes his routine. Does he constantly leave too early in the morning or come home in the wee hours of the morning? Have you noticed him going to the gym more often? Although changes in routine is inevitable in a person's life, but you should know how to distinguish from the truth and the lie.
  • His personality has changed. If your partner shows changes in his personality or behavior like sudden mood swings, or becoming nonchalant, apathetic even if he is not inflicted with bipolar disorder, there may be a reason he is acting strange. Another way to tell if your significant other is cheating is when he criticizes you more. He finds faults with your behavior to justify his cheating. This way, he can reason that you push him away from you. The exact opposite is being extremely nice, generous, and amorous because he wants to make up of his transgressions.
  • He lacks intimacy. Having intimacy is not tantamount to having sex. You can show your emotional and physical intimacy to a person by touching, cuddling, holding hands, kissing or just talking lovingly and wholeheartedly. His lack of affection towards you may be a sign he might be seeing someone else.
  • He cheated on his ex-girlfriends. Find time to talk to his old girlfriends discreetly. It may save you a lot of heartaches. If he has the audacity to cheat on his past girlfriends, then, there's a bigger chance for him to do it again. As one psychologist put it, " A person's past behavior will almost always determine his future behavior".
  • He keeps buying things. Does he purchase expensive and unnecessary items for unknown people? Are his telephone bills higher than usual? Is he visiting unfamiliar places without you?

There are really lots of lukewarm relationships out there and statistics continue to go up. If you want not to be a part of that statistics, give time to nurture your relationship. As one writer said "unlike planes, relationships cannot be maintained on auto-pilot".

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Monday, November 9, 2009

Preventing Infedility in Marriage

Love Me Two Times

Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes we are shocked to hear news of couples whose strong marriage once we admired but broken into pieces. Here are some preventive steps to guard one's fidelity and help your marriage remain intact.

Talk openly about anything and everything. Don't belittle the importance of small talk. You gain nothing by keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

Cultivate your friendship. Go places with each other. Talk about your interests or current events in your lives. Do things together. Do not allow yourself to take your partner's friendship and feelings for granted.

Be supportive. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. A person's lifetime is an expensive period of time. Things change and so are people's interests. Your partner will at some point want to try something new, such as career, spiritual or life habit change. These are critical moments in your relationship.

Keep your passion alive and well. No one wants to feel undesired. Take a moment now and then to leave little notes around the house. Let your children see you kiss and cuddle. Indulge in an impromptu escapade.

Don't be predictable.The spark of interest can fade when you feel you know your partner to the point of predictability. Always allow for a little mystery.Occasionally do something that is a bit out of the norm.
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