Relational Dialectics and Love

Love is the most powerful feeling in the world.We talk about it, we learn some things from it, we read a lot about it.

Ditch from reading those self-help books and magazines and say hello to this interpersonal communication theory called Relational Dialectics. It's a dialectical perspectives on communication strategies in relationship development. This theory suggests that between a communicating relationship, the persons involved will experience " internal, conflicting pulls". This causes their relationship to be in constant state of unrest called dialectical tension.

There are three dialectical tensions. Here they are, along with some tips on how to handle them.

Connectedness and Separateness - It's normal for individuals to spend time together when in a relationship. However, when each of them don't get enough time and space to spend alone, they lose their individual identities because of too much connection.

It's sickening to be in a company of the same person 24/7. The key to handling this kind of dialectic tension is to give each other space. Every human being needs some time alone.

Certainty and Uncertainty. Persons involved in a relationship acknowledge predictability and a sense of assurance to each other. But too much of this makes a relationship boring. Monotony sucks.

A little mystery and spontaniety is what keeps a relationship going. Keep this in mind - you can never get to know your partner to the bone. To constantly discover something exciting about your partner is a sign of a good relationship.

Openness and Closedness - In a relationship, partners sometimes tend to feel compelled to be transparent and reveal everything! This results to an individual's contrasting desire to seek privacy.

Seriously, do you always have to tell your partner what you had for lunch? Do you always have to show him/her your email or phone's inbox? Do you always have to know who your partner is with? Always consider privacy. Acknowledge that the closer you and your partner become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull you apart. A relationship will constantly experience dialectical tensions. Skillfully handling these tensions will help you have a superb relationship.

Tuesday Quotable Toots

Treasure the love you receive above all.

It will survive long after your good health has vanished

-Og Mandino

Single and blessed

A lot of single people are happy and contented with their lives, being single. But there are those who also long to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Single people should pray constantly to God to let them find the one He prepared for them. And while waiting, preserve your purity and human dignity. Remember, you wouldn't want to be used by someone who will be married to someone else in the future, or you wouldn't want your future spouse to be someone who has already been used by others.

Begin possible relationships with the right intentions. It is not to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend for people are not possessions. It is not to have an experience because people are not events. It is not to have someone to enjoy with because people are not toys. It is not to taste it or try it out, because people are not chewing gums you spit out later when it losses its sweetness or a shoes you can throw out when they become worn out.

It is to have a committed, loving relationship. It is to be married t each other someday. If that has no possibility or not even desired at the very beginning, then there should be nothing to begin at all.

Tuesday Quotable Toots (3)

Love is something eternal

the aspect may change,

but not the essence.

-Vincent Van Gogh

Tuesday Quotable Toots (3)

I have found the paradox that If I love until it hurts,

then there is no hurt but more love.

-Mother Teresa

Precious Moments to Last a Lifetime

A single photo can capture a very special moment in our lives. Since we are now in the age of technology, with all the gadgets we have, ranging from digital camera and video cam, we can have all these precious memories capture either in photo or video. But here's the tricky part, where should you store it so this would not be wasted with things such as viruses on your computer, a crush on your hard drive. Even a hard copy of your photo can deteriorate in time.

Enter the My Heart Will, a great website that can solve your problems. You can store family biography or personal biography. You can even store photo from your facebook personal page. It's a nice site where you can even put description of you photos for your relatives, families, and friends to see or even add an audio to explain what happened during the taking of that photo.

Love like Jesus loved us

Why should we love like Jesus? Because God is love. Let us then use God's love for us as a standard for loving others. God's love is an agape kind of love which is translated as charity. The meaning of charity nowadays is simplified to just mean giving something or doing something for the less fortunate. But if charity is the best word to describe agape, the love of God, then it must have a deeper meaning.

But how about how we love? As Christians, we are told to love one another, to love like Jesus loved us. Is this an impossible thing to do? Without God, it would be impossible. Without God, our love will remain based on feelings or selfish motives. God's love is not because He feels like it but because He does love us.

Is your love based on feelings, which are momentary and can just come and go? This is like falling in love as if you were catching a disease, and just as easily falling out of love as if you had a big accident. This kind of love is what many couples start with. But if they just remain in this kind of romantic love, then it will not survive because feelings change and problems arise. Unless a conscious commitment, a deliberate choice is made to love completely, then the love is only a temporary fantasy.

This is why true love can only be complete in Holy Matrimony. Like Christ being wed to His bride, the church, the exchange of persons, of relationships is where love can truly exist. While our concept of love is constantly distorted by movies, love songs, books, and television, sins like fornication and adultery continue to wreck lives and families. Let's not learn love from wrong perverted sources. Let's look God, how He loves us, and love the same way.